Confession: read title.
No, seriously it just occurred to me that I don’t really like thinking about Christianity and stuff anymore. It seems like such a waste of time. I figured out what I wanted. I solved the problems I needed to. I am free, at least mentally, from the chains.
I feel much like the guy who just discovered that he can live without thinking about his ex-girlfriend and yet still exist on the same planet as she is.
It’s kinda nice.
I was watching Entourage. I want a life free from thinking about religion – if it is possible. I mean, there are just so many people who never think about it and they are fine. So what if we all are going to die someday? No reason to be intentionally OC about it, right? I was also thinking about atheism and religion and this need humans have to “identify” themselves with – something. It’s like just saying “well, I’m Josh” is not enough. We have to say “I am an atheist” or “I am an agnostic” or “I am a Christian”. It seems like this attitude just cultivates an “us vs. them” sort of mentality.
I want to reach the point where someone asks “so what do you believe” and I can honestly say “what do you mean?” I mean, that is true freedom from religion right there.
I am Josh, a human being. Why the fuck do I need anything beyond that?
Who gives a shit what group we identify ourselves with? I don’t want to have to think about it. Not my problem. As long as you aren’t trying to hurt me or kill me what can I do? And I’m not trying to hurt or kill you, so I want to just live and let you live. If you start trying to get up in my business about it, I’ll rip your religion to shreds – but until then I can’t give a fuck.
So I don’t know. It might be that I will leave this blog up for a while just so other people can read my stuff, but I might start another blog with a completely different tone. This blog was sorta the “Josh working out his shit and sharing his experience since leaving the faith” blog. I feel like I could use another blog about … other things. Something to get my mind off of religion and philosophy. I think I’ve reached a point of relative peace with myself and what I know and how I view the world and I’m ready to just settle this part of my life down.
Haha, my last post really helped (it is now private). You gotta try it sometime. Just sit down and write whatever you honestly and truly think and feel – no matter how shitty, nasty, or crazy it is (Brandt, I’ll read yours if you write it). And then have someone read it. It is extremely therapeutic. It takes a couple days for it all to sink in, but in the end it is worth it. Somehow getting the words out lets you move past those emotions and thoughts – they got placed outside the mind so your mind can move onto other things.
Haha, it is so nice not to give a damn what anyone thinks. I feel like I finally grew some. Ashley, if you are reading this, I hope you are proud. And Jesus, I hope you leave Christianity.
- Josh
Josh- that’s great that you have found peace within yourself. It’ll be sad not to see you writing anymore about leaving the faith, but I have enjoyed everything you had written.
What would your new blog be about?
If you feel like you’ve figured out what you wanted and solved the problems at hand, that’s awesome. No need to keep thinking about things that seem trivial to you.
You don’t need to be anything beyond the human being that you are. If you don’t want a label like “atheist,” “agnostic,” or “Christian,” then fuck labels.
btw, I already like to write all the nasty, shitty things I think and feel. I just don’t want to post it online.
So, do you have any specific ideas about a new blog? I’ve thought about scrapping mine, but I don’t know… it sure has helped me get a lot of stuff out on the table.
Oh, and Jesus wasn’t actually a Christian – didn’t you get the memo? :)
http://methodicalmusings.com/2009/04/04/the-i-dont-care-anymore-post/
similar no?
I don’t think about this shit anymore. It comes up in my life because I have Christian family and friends. You’ve got that same situation, so it’ll keep coming up. But that doesn’t mean there’s any need to think about it other than when someone else brings it up. Then you deal with it and move on.
I haven’t read a religious book, or the bible in a couple years. I have no intention of doing so. The only reason I think about or deal with this stuff anymore is to help others who are dealing with de-conversion.
I admit there’s a part of me that wants to go “evangelical” and try to free people of superstition, but like Garfield in one of his comics, I realize that people aren’t into freedom; they are into security. http://images.ucomics.com/comics/ga/1985/ga850908.gif
So I’ll leave them in their cages until they develop further. The battle against stupidity and ignorance just ain’t worth fighting. (As the joke line has it, “What’s the difference between genius and stupidity?” “Stupidity has no limitations.”
Meanwhile, I’m enjoying learning more about the human brain lately. Still learning more about history. Still improving my martial arts.
Sounds like you’re hitting you’re next big step in freedom. ENJOY!
Well shit! I liked this blog. But if you start another, let me know.
Well thanks everyone…
Leo, I think your comment has me thinking the most. Last night I received a letter from an elder at my old church. This morning I realized that no matter what… I will be faced with things like this. It is a part of my life.
However, I have to figure out how to compartmentalize it. To move it from the all-consuming portion of my mind to its own little section where it becomes next to eating lunch or handling illnesses.
I think you bring up a good point, ex-Christians need to move past their own issues and then:
* Help others
* Teach people how to think
That latter one is what I am now wanting to focus on. You know, for most people leaving the faith probably has more to do with practice and learning about how to think properly about the world. Once those thinking patterns are changed, the rest *should* follow – eventually. Hell, for me it took years. But once those thinking patterns were focused internal to the “problems” I saw relating to Christianity that is when things began to clear up.
So I don’t know… maybe I’ll just change the focus of this blog to what its title really is about “methodical musings”. Light, methodical thinking about life… obviously that will relate to religion at many points but I’d like to maybe take all that hard work I have put into learning how thoughts / emotions / consciousness etc. relate together to solving all sorts of problems.
Hmmm…
http://methodicalmusings.com/2009/04/04/the-i-dont-care-anymore-post/
similar no?
~
Haha, I actually thought about that while I was writing. Every time I keep wanting to move on and forget, somehow it comes back up in my life by finding out my little sister is scared I’m going to hell, or an elder at my church is kicked out and can’t figure out why, or an old Christian friend pesters me about something…
It’s like a disease, really. You can’t escape it.
Josh – oh my, this is funny. Right before you wrote your last post, it dawned on me that what you are dealing with – wanting to stop thinking about all of this, wanting to stop writing about it, wanting to move on, and then starting up again – is exactly how I often feel about my cancer support site. It’s been five years since my diagnosis – I’ve been through crap, helped people, kinda come to the other side. I often feel SO sick of it all and want to leave. Just as you have written at least two posts wanting to leave, about once a year I will take a “cancer break” and tell my husband that I want to just be done with all of it and move onto something else.
So yes, your problem (Christianity) IS like a disease. Exactly! LOL
And yes, there is no escape. As much as I want to leave the cancer support world, I am STILL dealing with its effects on my daily life. I could drop all of the online stuff, but I can’t stop the physical pain and make my body work the way it used to. So I might as well do a little something positive with what I am learning and have learned, right?
I think you have struck on something that many, many people deal with. Whatever their big painful issue is, they try to work through it, they try to do something good with it, and they get sick of it. Then repeat. But I do think that with each round we can put the big painful issue into a better perspective. I used to be a great compartmentalizer (I have no idea how to spell that word and am too lazy to google it! LOL), but I think that surfing is a more whole way to live. Ride whatever wave is currently in your area of the ocean, then ride another, without letting any of them freak you out.
End of randomness for the night. Try morphing your blog into something new. We all like it – it’s your space – so change it up a bit and see if that works. It will show the natural growth of a de-convert. If not, you can always move. I understand the urge to do so! Fresh white walls – get rid of the old categories. All of this stuff would still be here.