Your latest posts touch upon the same subject that my mind asked itself constantly during the three months or so of my major depressive episode two years ago. If you continue on this way, you might encounter something you’ve never encountered before, and it won’t be pretty. It’s a dark hole, endlessly deep, that you won’t be able to climb back out of it.

The stair that leads out of that dark place is self-less love and detachment from obsessive addictions.

You have changed from a computer to a copulator, much as CS Lewis prophesied. But you’re forgetting that the opposite of evil is not good, but (another) evil. Find the place of the heart, where the mind can rest peacefully; don’t be a cold heartless brain, and don’t be a servant of your belly and of those that lie below the belt either.

You find yourself now in a position of half-truth: life *as you’re living it now* is pointless. Don’t let the enemy overcome you with lies or half-truths: life is very much worth living, you just have to live the right kind of life.

Think you are so on the right track in bringing all this out into the open. Tons of care, and encouragement coming your way.

Deep peace to you, Josh.

“I feel like my heart and and emotions have been so stunted they have a ton of catching up to do.” I can relate to this feeling. Just be safe about it. And to find excitement in this area I don’t think it’s necessary to go to extremes like the internet chick. Maybe you should try watching some videos, they might give you some ideas when it comes to sex.

I can relate to the healing experience. I feel like I’ve matured, become more thankful, and become more aware since I’ve left organized religion. It’s been a good experience looking at the church from the outside. I didn’t hate being a Christian, but have realized that the Christian paradyme is biased and doesn’t look at the whole picture- meaning life. I think they take the Bible too literally and have failed to study and question it’s origins and meaning. I’ve also realized that the “name it and claim it branch” of Christianity is very disillusioned and was a great cause of many years of sadness for me. It’s exciting to interpret life as it happens and no longer through fears or superstitions.

You feel that you need to walk this all out, and know for yourself, experientially.

Really agree with that “first do no harm,” quote, Zoe.

I think a great guide to sex is, ‘First do no harm.’ That applies to you and your partner. Whether it be physical, emotional &/or spiritual harm…don’t do it.

You are a thinker Josh. And though your thinker got messed up with religious crap, I think you can still know whether something is worth the risk (violent sex) or not.

Of course, I’m an old fuddy duddy and tend to be quite conservative about monogamy. One guy, 33 years of marriage, 38 years together. No this isn’t for everyone. I share it because sex changes…even within a monogamous relationship. Trust me, sex at eighteen is nothing like sex at fifty. It’s waaaaaaaaaaaaay better! My husband and I knew nothing about sex, not really when I think about it. Nor did we know anything about trust. Not really when I think about it.

Life is a journey. Sex is too. So is trust. Trust me. :-)

Zoe returns to her shell.